Things that gay men should not do around heterosexual men

When you first come out as gay, one of the very first things you might do is reject the notion of homosexuality entirely. This is all so common, so expected — which must be painful to hear for everyone who thought they were the only ones to feel this way — that it could be mapped out as stages on a chart as you track your progress along the gay pathway.

But whether we take part in these activities or not, it is still our world. It is very easy, and convenient, for someone in a monogamous relationship to dismiss other gay men as shallow and promiscuous because it suits them to think it. Somehow, to them, it validates their own relationship and lifestyle choices.

Gay men and the promiscuity ‘problem’

We bucked the trend, they think. We can be just as good as the straight people, they tell themselves. I am in a monogamous relationship. Devoting your entire life to one person, having eyes for no other, knowing someone inside out — I can get behind that. And if you really want something, you should go for it, achieve your goal.

Nor should those who reject monogamy criticise anyone following it. Monogamous couples complain that promiscuous guys try to infiltrate them, and will approach one or both of them with a view to either breaking them up or even becoming the third wheel. Technology brings us closer together and shows us more of the world.

And that was that. Until the advent of civil partnerships, marriage equality, relaxed rules around adoption and modern attitudes toward gay people having children, there was no clear-cut path for gay couples. Once they got together and moved in… then what? Get a dog?

Buy an antique shop together, maybe? We all have our own narratives. Acceptance by straight people is useful in many ways, but we are shortsighted in making it our primary goal. LGBT equality is about us all living the best lives we can, being visible, the redistribution of power.

Just like they do. The idea we have to be monogamous and chaste so that straight people accept us is a dangerous one, and will only create ill-feeling among us, while the heteros look on and marvel at how stupid we are. It will perpetuate the stereotypes that young gay people fight against; it may discourage them from coming out and lead to self-loathing and a lack of understanding of others.

It promotes hatred, and we have enough of that without it coming from within. We have other battles to fight. Is this really the hill you want to die on? We overcome it by living as rich and full a life as possible. Image: Flickr. So interesting to read this article after the last one I wrote, which talks about men and penises.

With gay men, it seems similar in one or two ways to how we deal with the bodies of straight men. To be a man is to be a functional being — the things we do have purpose. And the male bodys purpose is domination in our culture. The only use for a naked male body is sex. The bottom line?